Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
