Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
