dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
