she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
