everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
