I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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