So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
