To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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