Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
