I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
