So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
