why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
