is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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