my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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