I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
