so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
