Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
