i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
