did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
