He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
