he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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