Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
