I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
