I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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