Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
