Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
