I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
