I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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