You smell like stripper and shame
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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