The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
