she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
