i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
All I want is dick and wine.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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