Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
