i permit you to call me
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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