Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
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