Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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