I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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