as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
