the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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