What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
