i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
