saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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