In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
