are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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