you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
