The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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