I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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