ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
