Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
