I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
